On Love, and Therefore, Grief

The great soft lap of the mother to whom we all return, the inevitable embrace of death, Hekate waits for us with all the time in the world. I find peace with her, eternity with her, and stillness. She is the void, the emptiness that fills every open space. There is no fear or pain in her realm, only expansive peace and gentle repose; complete communion.

Living beings that we are (aren’t we?), we grasp for the shreds of a decaying experience of love, a fading memory that spills like sand from our fingertips. Mnemosyne calls us to spin the wheels in our minds, documenting and attempting to store each fragment of memory. These memories are ultimately faulty since our conscious mind is incapable of holding onto so much ephemera and we fill in the blanks with probabilities and wishes. We create an artificial past truth that is similar to what we experienced but is merely a simulacrum of what we once knew. We are each the storytellers of our own personal histories.

But Baba Yaga waits in the shadows, her body remembers like our bodies remember. They remember in a way that makes the absence of what we loved become a physical anguish. Age and decay are a visceral presence that we shun but cannot escape; abjection the bitter secret we fear to speak. And yet that physicality transports us too, in our transcendent moments, catching a scrap of a song or faint scent on the breeze, the past suddenly holding us close again and breathing hotly on our necks, for good or ill.

I find that grief is like childbirth, it is the birth of our new now. It rolls over us in waves just like contractions and is a process that, once started, will run its course with or without our cooperation. Surrender is the watchword, the deep exhale as the roller coaster comes over the crest, until gravity equalizes again. But how beautiful the relief when it passes, how exquisite the lightness. Our joy succors us between times of grief, if we allow it. Love and grief are infinitely better than grief alone, though they often overlap. A great big bloody, exhausting birth of ever-present experience. There are no stops on this ride, I’m afraid, and we will be transformed by the journey. May it be fruitful.

Monterey Coast holiday

Rather than spending money on a bunch of stuff we didn’t need this recent holiday season, my spawn and I went on holiday to the Monterey Coast for a week. I hadn’t been off work for more than 3 days in a row for a few years, and we all wanted to just have an amazing experience. So we did.
At the culmination of our week, we had a New Year’s Eve sleepover at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

I saved for it for quite a while and I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to make it happen; it was worth every penny.

I put together a montage of the footage I shot of the ocean and set it to music by Ludovico Einaudi (“A fuoco” and “Discovery At Night”):

If you’d like to see my other pictures, they’re available in my Monterey Coast Holiday album.

Love Notes to the World

Please join me in this collaborative art piece to “weave” the world together and stuff it with love notes for humanity.

My plan is to crochet a giant globe with yarn donated from all over the world and fill it with love notes also sent from around the world, then share the love in public places.

Please send yarn donations to:
Jennybach
c/o The Sacred Well
536 Grand Avenue
Oakland, CA 94610
United States

Once the globe is complete, I will put out the call for the love notes.

Thank you for participating and helping to spread love around the world!