Absence

You’ve disappeared again, a walking shadow
merely going through the motions of presence,
and while I talk to you, and you appear to listen,
you are notably absent, a stony apparition of yourself
Entirely preoccupied with your inner world,
I am a distraction, an annoyance
a disruption in the closed world of your psyche
I can’t penetrate the contracted shell of shoulds and musts
I can’t compete with the pressing chatter of worries and judgments
An outsider again, I slip away to fill the void with other things
I pretend it is well despite the lingering hollow
Though the mere sight of me seems anathema
and kisses are not given, nor gentle words spoken
I’ll wait until you are ready again
to join me in our shared world of life and home
I’ll hope for rapid passage from this null space
and resist my own shadows from overtaking me
I’ll endeavor to refrain from the shoulds, woulds, coulds of my own making
and trust that I did not create this cold place in your heart
since I clearly cannot heal it.

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